Stress & Release It!

There is nothing that stresses me faster than family disputes. The idea that family members are obligated to “look out” for each other just because we’re family seems unrealistic.

I have done a lot to help my family, only later to discover my actions were viewed as a requirement to remain in “good graces.” All families aren’t the same & each will share their own values & cultures, but specifically pertaining to my family, the disputes focus on: ‘Who’s role it is to carry out something OR who’s money will finance an event.’  

No matter what dispute(s) is/are brewing I have stood firm on what my Dad taught me: “Never allow a temporary situation to take up a permanent living space in your life.” And stress is just that....temporary!

Here, I’m sharing with you the “STRESS & RELEASE” method that I use to help with stress management. I will share a personal story & show you how I applied the 3-step method of “STRESS & RELEASE.” 

I am not a doctor. Please consult your physician before doing anything pertaining to YOUR health.

“......I’m still in bed & once I get out the house I’ll go to the bank & get the money....,” my sister said nonchalantly.

I called my sister because I’d taken a chance & loaned her money, again. I figured this should be an easy repayment. 

I adamantly reminded her, “....girl, it’s 3 o’clock & it’s $20.00 bucks, the money you asked MEEE to borrow & said you’d pay back THIS Friday!  I don’t understand what’s so hard about paying me, MY money! Well, you know what girl, KEEP IT! Do not ask me for ANYTHING ELSE! I have helped you so much over the years, this is the LAST time that I will help you out. DO NOT ASK ME FOR ANYTHING ELSE, I mean it!” I hung up the phone & felt the stress throbbing at the base of my neck.

This style conversation was becoming typical between my sister & I. I knew that loaning her money was taking a chance, but it was such a small amount. Is it possible that my own willingness to help her ended up causing me stress?

BUT, how dare she use a casual tone as if we were discussing the weather!! I mean, even if this was a repeat of our many disputes, I only wanted it to be different this time.

Stress is defined as a natural response within the body to things & events occurring in life. Most of these occurrences are beyond our control. I like to focus on things within control. Things that we can stop, #PAUSEon & where we CAN avoid stress. 

When I called my sister, I figured that she wasn’t going to repay. My true hope was that maybe this once she would do the right thing & not take my kindness for weakness. 

I didn’t want to accept that my sister would do as she has always done, procrastinate, in hopes of getting out the debt. I wanted us to build on our sistership, it was starting to fail for reason unrelated to stress. 

However, I immediately realized that I was alone on that goal. I wanted to have a relationship that was not based on me helping her, or anyone for that matter & this was going in the opposite direction of that goal. 

It was time to do damage/stress control. Things could not continue going this way.

The Blueprint of “Stress & Release” 

FEELING is the first step to stress management. It’s asking yourself, “HOW do I feel about what is happening?” The more you practice self-awareness & self-care you learn key stress triggers.

I knew that calling & asking for repayment would be a stressful conversation simply based off my sister’s repayment history, but I chose to proceed. Afterwards, I felt “played.” It went from being about the money to the “principle” of repaying money when you say that you’ll repay it!

The more I thought about the situation, the more I began to accept what had just happened. 

After all, I learned YEARS ago that my sister doesn’t pay back money. I also learned YEARS ago that the stress behind her not sticking to her agreement is a recipe for disaster. 

This time was no different, from her lackadaisical tone to her sense of entitlement, it was everything that made me want to “take it there” with her. However, I finally accepted that I could not change her tone, I had to remove what I could so that the cycle stopped here. I had to accept my part in all of this & accept that she & I did not have a relationship built on trust when it came to debts owed.

ACCEPTANCE is the second step & teaches the body/mind that emotions are normal. It’s ok to feel, but stress can take a toll on the body: physically, emotionally, mentally & spiritually. So, after accepting my reasons for feeling stressed & annoyed & irritatedI had to make a decision on how to proceed. 

What type of relationship did I want or need to have with my sister? Even if I felt that I couldn’t trust her financially, could I still have a sistership?

Which brings us to the last step, “RELEASE!”

RELEASING is about the ultimate decision. The decision that will make or break a relationship/friendship/sistership/partnership etc...This is the point where issues are addressed, reflected upon or let go without further action. 

I had made up my mind. I decided that I needed to:

-...let go of being annoyed & irritated. I made up my mind to NEVER loan/give her money again. We would have to rebuild our “sistership” on something other than the willingness to help her. 

-....let go that she sound unbothered about owing me money. 

-...let go of what I felt, whether valid or not, because to have a conversation with a person unwilling to CARE to see your point will only lead to further stress & resentment.

I made the decision to change what was within my control & to let my sister know that the bank was closed. We could still get together & hangout, but under no circumstance would I fund anything from this point forward.

And just like that I let go of that moment, that temporary moment....

“Stress & Release“ becomes breathing. Purely natural, without thought. It’s giving yourself permission to choose you. You become confident in the decision to remove stress before situations occur by saying, “no,” more & being ok with it. 

If you feel that you are allowing people to get away with things repeatedly then address those stressors. The goal is to minimize & manage that stress by being true to yourself. 

What kind of relationships do you envision for where you are going? Are there relationships that you wish were better or less stressful? 

Are there places that no longer bring you joy?  Do you live in a city, a town, a state or working a job that is stressful, apply the “Stress & Release” method and find the best decision for managing what you feel.

Accept the good & bad, let go of what cannot be changed or removed. 

The final step is the Release; the removal, it can be spiritual. It’s where balance, peace, understanding, self-love, growth & thankfulness for God’s mercy are found, in that moment you will be free. The Release is a powerful step & it will take practice to be sure that you are managing your stress & not being “passive aggressive” about things. 

Stress doesn’t have to control you. Yes, things are bound to happen in life, the goal is to embrace what is occurring. If we learn to manage situations that are within our control, we inevitably teach ourselves that stress is manageable.

Listen to your body. Find balance, accept peace & love through self-care & learn to manage stress through the release.

Do the work, you deserve to live stress-free! 

Be sure to check out our TEAS that promote relief from stress & sure to help you unwind.